Here’s an article I wrote for the Fractalspin blog that’s a “DOs and DON’Ts” for men’s geek fashion:

“Geek Chic Men’s Fashion Fails and Wins” [via Fractalspin's blog]

Among the fails: LED belt buckles that visually scream GEEK; god-awful so-called “utilikilts;” NES Controller belt buckles; LED / electroluminescent t-shirts that either interact with sound or announce the presence of a WiFi signal by blinking / lighting up; bad haircuts; doing it wrong

Among the wins: G-Star’s men’s line featuring a futuristic Poindexter nod with their signature crazy-stich detailing; “nerd glasses;” intentionally-tousled hair and deliberately disheveled, dressed-down suit ensembles on Doctor Who’s Tenth Doctor (David Tennant); microcontroller cufflinks; J.Lindeberg; cool ties; Converse All-Star

So what do you think? Did I nail the WINs wholeheartedly or come down too hard on the geeks who are trying their darndest to be proud of who they are?

Dogs are social critters, as are humans, and that’s probably why our species have gotten along so well over time. In having a rather large dog these past 9 years (by large I mean 160 lbs), I’ve learned a lot, mainly because I can’t just pick up my dog [Madeline] and remove her from a situation–it means I have to actually interact with her as an individual and try to understand her emotions, needs, and way of expressing herself.

Some things I’ve learned so far:

• Shaking means “I’m trying to relax myself. I feel tense and this helps me.” She does this all the time when at the vet’s.
• Yawning means “I’m annoyed / frustrated.” IE: I am preparing dinner and she cannot has.
• Putting her head on my lap means “I want something, and you can give it to me.” IE: “It’s been 5 hours and I have not been out and I need to pee, please help me do that in the way that you prefer, or else I will take care of that in the manner you do not prefer.”
• Rolling over means “Love me, please rub mah chest thx”
• Hiding under the bed when I come home means “Yeah, I did something that Alpha Girl gets mad about…hide before she find out (IE: “was on bed” / “got into recycling bin” / “both”)”
• Prancing on tiptoes with ears up while staring at another dog means “I’m *so* gonna eat that other dog” (Welcome to having a pitbull–but because I’m such a hardass she has improved greatly, btw. I will not divulge my methods tho! haha)
• Whining means she wants something she cannot have. Most often, access to another dog. Very often heard at the vet’s, or when she knows there is a visiting dog outside the apartment.

I think someone needs to start a Neurolinguistic Programming for-dogs thing. My woof is showing me stuff.

LOLkid. Also: Lawlkid. LOLkids are like Scene Kids except add 100 IQ points and subtract emo. (LOLkids=($humanIQ+100)-$emoFactor;).

LOLkids heart the intertronz and nerdery and are all about zar lawlz.

1. Is ok to LOL at yrself. In other words, don’t take yourself too seriously. This involves having a formidable degree of self confidence and not taking things personally. However, don’t overdo it and proclaim how awesome you are at every opportunity (like tweeting about your awesomeness) since others will get tired of you quickly.

I mean, look at this guy on 4chan. He rules. He actually put a shoe on his head. And everyone LOLd. This is the way to roll. [Frak I can't find the jpg.] Nvrmd.

2. Noe flaemz. “No flames.” Reference #1: LOLkids don’t take things personally, so they don’t find the need to start or partake in flame wars.

4. Moar internets. Having multiple accounts on various social networking platforms is awesome. It’s even better when APIs are introduced that allow streamlined account linkage or similar, like what Facebook and the Google and Digg toolbars have done (yay!). Also, the more beta a site is, the better, since it adds to your credibility (leetness). The more obscure and awesome the online app or platform is the better (Google apps that are in beta don’t count though, since even Gmail is still in beta. Feh). Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and Buzznet kinda rule, but pr0n (pornography sites) are weak–LOLkids are too smart to have to resort to that to get attention. Sides, if you’re still in the teens it’s prolly illegal NEways.

5. Electronic music is ze way 2 plai. Let’s think about this for a minute. If you were a nerdy superstar do you think you would be wooh-ing at some emo folk dude sitting on a chair crying on his *analog* guitar? The answer–so you won’t get sidetracked by philosophic inquiry–is a resounding “NO.” LOLkids need their heads blown wide open by weirdo sounds that no frakking guitar or drum kit could ever dream of. Aphex Twin, Autechre and Squarepusher are pretty much the holy trinity of nerdtronica. Venetian Snares pulls a close fourth but he’s all aggro and weird and that’s kinda buzzkill sometimes. LOLkids like LOLs and happy so basically anything that sounds like a spaceship made it with a pretty melody (ala Close Encounters) will prolly fly. Off the top of my head, Lusine, Matthew Dear, Apparat, Bola and Kettel are main players. More transitional (as in accessible) peeps are The Presets, Pnau, Franz Ferdinand, Junior Boys and Orchestra of Bubbles. And if you want goofy and pretty go check out my stuff as Quantazelle (shameless plug for the lulz).

6. Go go gadget-awesome. Gadgets rule. But they have to be cutting-edge gadgets that add to your credibility in that they serve a wide variety of useful functions and often require a certain degree of persistence and knowledge to make them even more useful. Any Linux distro (Ubuntu / Fedora / Debian), Android G1 / rooted cellphone or OLPC / Kbuntu running on a Speak-N-Spell automatically adds cred. Off the shelf gadgets with a minimal degree of hackitude and a high degree of hype are lame (I virtually call you out, iPhone. Um, no copy-and-paste? WTF).

7. You don’t pay for shizznattle. You herd me. Why drop $25 bux a year on Flickr when you can just upload photos to a server (which better be your own PC on a T1 lol) and run Gallery2. Why pay for some bloated, wanked out email list service when there’s PHPList? I hope you’re starting to get the picture. Why dish out $20+ for a movie at the theater when there’s–ok you should get it by now.

Also, yes, I said PC. PS: This thing rules: Bumptop

8. A srsly sweet moniker lawl. You are going to need an account login name that rules as well. Mine is “Quantazelle” which you can’t find in the dictionary but still sounds like a superhero. It’s also my music production name (and making music or creating things in any other media adds leetpoints (credibility)). I wrote about choosing a music project name here with some links to online name generators that might be useful: Getting Publicity: Start With a Good Name for Your Project. Non-dictionary names are way better since a Google search will automatically put you at #1. Get to it, son.

9. Speak ruleage. LOLkid slang reflects one’s perpetual and contemporary internet presence. It borrows heavily from leetspeak (adding -age or -x0r to a noun or verb in place of the adjective form), with references to LOLcat grammar and forumslang (4chan.com / somethingaweful.com). For instance, “sauce”= source, “lawl”=laugh out loud, vocalizing common internet acronyms (“dubya tee eff?” for WTF), etc), and directly utilizing programming syntax ($omgWtf=func(self==”over_this_thread”);). The more clever you are with conveying your message to other humans in a programming language, the more leet points, frill (or “for real” as teh normalz sez). Also, replacing “-y” with “eh” implies a certain softhearted acceptance, as in “This kitteh is just too snuggles!”

10. Use profanity wisely If your profanity can reference sci-fi in any sort, we are in business. For example, vocalizing “frack, Frack, FRACK” when one has accidentally transformed one’s grilled cheese sandwich to a charcoal briquette when one was typing an involved blog post instead of watching the stove is perfectly acceptable. And if it directly relates to realtime IRL, more pwnage to you (and yes, I really did just briquette my grilled cheese and I’m not lovin’ it. Reboot foodage brb.).

11. Spell smartz. Yeh, leet spelling zar kinda ness. So this means substituing “-oa-” for “-o- (long o, ie “poast” instead of post), “eh” instead of “-y”, abbreviating words to their necessary and essential characteristics (ie: “ness,” && “sench” for necessary and essential), using metonomy frequently (“I has to puter 4 wrkz bbiab”), and inventing completely new words that get their meaning from context. One’s cred gets points when one can get other humans to use said neologisms (ie: “gURLs / guise”).A word of warning–don’t overdo it or you’ll end up alienating people (altho aliens kinda rulex0r). Use discretion.

12. Newb werds == new_gangtaAs in“Yea boi, cruisin’ tha tronz.” Using “noob words” ironically–as in referring to the internet as a “series of tubes” “asking Google,” or referring to the protocol of the series of standards within which the Internet is made possible as “the internets,” is kinda leet if played correctly. Again, it is better used for emphasis than as a dialect in itself. Be very careful with this, and its associated irony or you will be called out on the tubes forthright.

13. Adding .TLDs for emphasis or clarification.Adding .com, .net or .org to a statement can either emphasize the statement’s importance, clarify the context, or add lulz. For instance, “inacarwithtoomanyhumans.net,” “usuallyimtheonethatinitiatesthebreakup.org,” and “collectioncompanieswontstopcallingme.com.” See “Liz Revision” for that little gem (et c’est moi, another spam, sorry).

14. All up in the tronz You’ve got to stay ahead of all the memes currently in play. Here’s a lil cheat-sheet for you: Internet Memes Timeline. So, in other words, a replay of Star Wars Kid in this day and age will get you nothing but ignores and rolls-eyes and banz. The best places to stay ahead of the meme-curve are somethingaweful.com and 4chan.net. And other things that I am too leet to disclose to newbs. ::lawl::

15. Pirate Talk Prolly cause “Talk Like a Pirate Day” gained momentum on the internets, and since people who spend a lot of time on the tronz are savvy about acquiring things without paying for them, it is necessary for one to be fluent in pirate should the need arise (or just in general). Yarr, I be one-to-one seeding tharse blimey torrents, matey!

16. Random Foreign Words. Using foreign words sparingly emphasizes one’s global perceptiveness that has been cultivated through international forums (usu. revolving around a shared interest) and multicultural acceptance of others via chat programs. For instance “Cheers” instead of “Thanks” or “flat” instead of “apartment” reinforce this country-independent platform astuteness.

17. Cute pets. The whole LOLcats thing was enabled by pet-lovers (and involve mostleh cats). I mean, if you work at home without roommates there is a human need to connect w/ something that hearts you and doesn’t care about your post-count or forum rank. So please feel free to post pix of yr animals being silleh, and add captions to increase LOLfactor pls lol thx.

18. Accessorize yerself, scallywag! We has to pimps us with IRL (in real life) stuffs ftw (for the win). Best places frill == http://www.fractalspin.com (geek boutique with awesome nerdy for personal adornment), http://www.shanalogic.com (kewlz, more of ze same), http://www.threadless.com (web 2.0+tshirt design==win). But ThinkGeek is for newbs tho lol. LOL. You herd me.

19. Steer clear of Scene, by all means. I mean pls. That “scene” is lametronica and !clue (clueless). It’s like “Let’s be Emo but pretend we’re anime so we don’t get made fun of.” My friend called it “we’re old enough to get into a bar but lame enough that no one there cares.” Haha–whatever. It’s so played. FYI: LOLkids are high-IQ, rabidly individualistic, doers and hackers, and so over everything that’s overplayed and yeah.

20. You must win at 4chan. And by win, I mean the game, which you just lost.

21. Why not start up your own -chan? That’s leet.

22. Stay above it all and remember the lulz to be had with the game. Don’t take it seriously or personally, and remember that if you’ve gotten this far you’re awesome. Revel in it and don’t be afraid to be who you are. I hope you’re getting some shopping done too. ;-)

Pac-Man Candy
Ah, Pac-Man, you were my gateway drug. When I was in preschool my mom would take me along to her bowling league meetings every week and plop me down on a bar stool in front of Pac-Man where I would obsessively guide him through the maze, chomping away at yummy dots. Next up it was Haunted Mansion on the C64 and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy on the Apple IIe in my early school years, and then Super Mario Bros. and Who Framed Roger Rabbit? on NES in my junior high years. High school found me in front of a 486 playing games I downloaded from BBSs, namely Wolfenstein 3d and Doom. In college I would giggle at the Unix game Hunt the Wumpus and then promptly switch into graphics mode for Descent, Duke Nukem, and Quake 2 on the LAN. At some point I bought a Dreamcast to play Tony Hawk 2, Ecco the Dolphin, Soul Calibur, and Rez. Post-college I remember switching gears from freelance graphic design projects to play Hitman 2 and the Myst series. These days I’m busy with work, music and DJing, but I’ve occasionally been known to spend a bit of time in Kingdom of Loathing. So, Pac-Man started my game-association memories. Now you can fondly recall the 80s and your own game-based personal timeline with either Pac-Man lemon, Blue Ghost raspberry, or Red Ghost cherry candy.

More new stuff: New retro candy: Pac-Man, Zelda, SMB; Playstation Portable Sours

Here’s an article I wrote for CDM about Benn Jordan who’s live-scoring said TV show at Sonotheque tomorrow (May 5).

Commercial music producer Benn Jordan (recording as The Flashbulb) stumbled upon David Attenborough’s 1984 documentary series that was, in the creator’s words, “more in touch with nature than any other.” Along with the BBC he and his crew geared up for the endeavor–and they would risk their lives and careers to do so. The result, a TV series called “The Living Planet.”…Benn loved the concept and the film, but said, “the only thing I’m not in love with about this series is the music. A bit too minimal and synthy when perhaps a more cinematic approach is needed.” Taking it upon himself to re-invision the soundtrack, Benn–along with opener and visualist Polyfuse–will re-create live the score to the the first of The Living Planet series: “The Building Of The Earth.”

Check out this interview I did with Gustavo Bravetti, an artist who is really pushing the envelope in terms of what can be done with live laptop performance. Specifically, he wrote a custom driver for Ableton Live that allows you to “nudge” the tempo in a way similar to DJing with records, created controllers to affect playback with a glove or a light, and rigged up an electronic drum kit to play back synth lines realtime. The stuff he’s doing is truly amazing.

… Uraguay-based Gustavo Bravetti is a master of live laptop performance with alternative controllers. (See previous video of him from Colombia.) He talks to Liz (aka Quantazelle, a laptop virtuoso herself) about the scene on the other side of the Americas and how he’s able to fire up crowds with unusual performance techniques, via three-axis light control and the P5 interactive glove….

Interview: Gustavo Bravetti, Playing Music with Light and Interactive Gloves

On the heels of the announcement that Daft Punk’s Alive 2007 is scheduled to drop in November of this year comes a few interesting revelations regarding their production methods and raises some questions about the “ethics” of production.

Kanye West’s new single “Stronger” features a sample from “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” slowed down and rearranged as suitable backing material, a fact that’s easily recognized by anyone who’s familar with DP’s work. But in a strange, meta-twist, it turns out that KW is sampling a sample, and even self-referentially referring to the sample-sampling in his own lyrics:
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Social networking, online sites, Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace … sometimes it seems like all the connections are being done online. Naturally, the Web’s real power is when you can meet all those virtual personalities you’ve gotten to know offline. Far better than getting demo CDs in the mail or listening to someone’s tracks on MySpace: meeting them at a party over a drink and getting their music from them directly….Clearly this is a model to be replicated elsewhere.

Check it out: Meatspace Networking for Musician