On understanding dog-talk

Dogs are social critters, as are humans, and that’s probably why our species have gotten along so well over time. In having a rather large dog these past 9 years (by large I mean 160 lbs), I’ve learned a lot, mainly because I can’t just pick up my dog [Madeline] and remove her from a situation–it means I have to actually interact with her as an individual and try to understand her emotions, needs, and way of expressing herself.

Some things I’ve learned so far:

• Shaking means “I’m trying to relax myself. I feel tense and this helps me.” She does this all the time when at the vet’s.
• Yawning means “I’m annoyed / frustrated.” IE: I am preparing dinner and she cannot has.
• Putting her head on my lap means “I want something, and you can give it to me.” IE: “It’s been 5 hours and I have not been out and I need to pee, please help me do that in the way that you prefer, or else I will take care of that in the manner you do not prefer.”
• Rolling over means “Love me, please rub mah chest thx”
• Hiding under the bed when I come home means “Yeah, I did something that Alpha Girl gets mad about…hide before she find out (IE: “was on bed” / “got into recycling bin” / “both”)”
• Prancing on tiptoes with ears up while staring at another dog means “I’m *so* gonna eat that other dog” (Welcome to having a pitbull–but because I’m such a hardass she has improved greatly, btw. I will not divulge my methods tho! haha)
• Whining means she wants something she cannot have. Most often, access to another dog. Very often heard at the vet’s, or when she knows there is a visiting dog outside the apartment.

I think someone needs to start a Neurolinguistic Programming for-dogs thing. My woof is showing me stuff.